Significance

Out of 100 billion galaxies...
Existing in 100 billion star systems...
Out of 7 billion people...
You have your own unique genetic makeup...
Your thumbprint is yours alone...
You can create art, and write a song and are depended upon by others that love you.
You are enormously significant.

You often see a lot of posts emphasizing our insignificance in the universe, emphasizing how small each of us is. How incredibly small. I think about the enormity of the universe and, yeah, it makes me feel completely miniscule. There's a star called VY Canis Majoris; it's the largest known star and it's between 1,550,000,000 and 1,800,000,000 miles in diameter. That's enormous. Earth's diameter? 7,926 miles. That is tiny compared to canis Majoris. And you thought Earth was big. Feel small yet?

Ok, you feel small. And it's very very good to realise that sometimes. However, very rarely is the opposite highlighted.
You are the only one of you that there will ever be. You are wonderful and completely individual. One in a billion seven billion. You are incredibly, wonderfully significant. Don't you dare tell yourself otherwise.

paranoia

I don't normally get paranoid. It's unsual and I don't like it.
Tonight, I am.
This doesn't happen to me very often; but sometimes I get the feeling that my friends are using me. Like they're only around because they get something from me, because I am "useful" and as soon as I stop being useful or as stop giving them the thing that they want they'll drop me. They'll walk out of my life and I'll be left alone.
I know that this is, most likely, totally not true. But the small voice that sits in the back of my consciousness shouting this is very convincing sometimes. And it hurts. The thought of it hurts so so much. I've had people that I thought were the best of friends, and friends that would never hurt me, stab me in the back. Betray me. Turn around and leave me. And I don't want it to happen again. I can't take it.
It's the only thing I'm afraid of more than clowns: losing the people I love and being left alone. The majority of the time I'm completely sure that I will be... And I hate it when my mind makes up nonexistant shit like this that is so very very convincing.
I know... I'm sure that this is crap that my mind is making up.
But it's really really convincing crap...

Sexism

This has never before happened to me and I am pretty taken aback.
Today I was told that actions that are now second nature to me are sexist. I strive in all situations to be a gentleman at all times even if I am, shall we say, not particularly fond of the female in question. I'm not saying I'm perfect, I get short and snappy. Hey, I'm still human. But I am kinda shocked and, well, apalled that things that have become automatic reactions, e.g. holding doors open, the custom of ladies first etc, have caused my to be called sexist. It's ridiculous! It's simple manners. How can it be sexist? It's not putting women down? It's not placing them on a level lower than that of men. It's not debasing them. If anything, it's putting them ahead of men, ahead of myself anyway.
Call me sexist. I do not care. I will never stop being a gentleman.

Boring

I am, apparently, boring. Now, I would normally go along with this asessment. I feel I am a rather boring person. However, I won't go along with it this time.
I hardly ever drink. It's my choice, I honestly don't see the point if I'm honest. It's expensive and rarely tastes good. I'd much rather drink something that tastes good and isn't going to bankrupt me after a night. Does that make me boring? Nope. What is the point of spending a fortune on getting totally shitfaced, not remembering what you did and even if you could it's likely that you wouldn't want to remember the things that you did. And I will have an intact liver.
I don't smoke. Seriously? Are you even using this as a case for my being boring? Yeah, I'm so boring for wanting to avoid lung cancer... I'm not even going to comment majorly, this is so pathetic.
I'm not "into girls". Now, I know what you mean by this. I am into girls, in a certain sense. I just don't screw everything female that I come into contact with. I'm a virgin and I am proud to say it. Far too many people go out and lose it to any mildly attractive douche they find in a club. Not for me thanks; that's too easy. It's far more challenging and rewarding to hold onto something that is given away too easily in this culture. So it feels great. Big woop. It'll feel even better after a long wait, I can guarantee you.
I'm sick and tired of being labelled as boring because I am different. I like things that you don't. In all honesty, I find you boring and vacuous. You are all the same; you live to get totally wasted on the weekends and it's pointless and dull. You work hard to gain money and then you throw it away on booze. You are so unutterably unbearable and I hope that I never have to spend time with you socially. Any of you.
~Directed towards those at my work place. Enjoy your liver poisoning, lung cancer and syphilis.~ :)

It's all going on

Day 2 of the Royal Norfolk Show; and it's already driving me a little mad. Well, It's not been too bad really. I visited the stand of the Seal and Bird Rescue Trust, the animal rehabilitation centre I used to go to quite a lot. I stopped going for quite some time mainly because I just didn't have time because of my coursework. But, once I'd dropped the coursework, I didn't go back because someone I regarded as a very good friend, almost a best friend, told me that it had gone majorly down hill. The quality of care afforded the animals was very poor. And so I decided not to go back for some time; I thought I would probably go back at some point to see how it really was for myself. This friend, she shall remain nameless, was prone to over exaggeration and so it was highly likely that it wasn't as bad as she made out. But I hadn't been back yet.
So, it was good to get to see them yesterday. There's been some new additions to the troupe of animals, which I will cover later. But when I got there I got talking to Bev about things and it all turned round to this old friend. Without going into painful details, it turned out that she had been making up stories about the centre to me, and about me to the centre. It turned out the she was lying, manipulative and scheming. I had essentially been stabbed in the back be someone I called a best friend. It made me feel like I wasn't worth any real friends. Yeah, I felt pretty down last night, to say the least.
But it was really good to catch up with everyone. I'd missed them, and that place and all the animals. And there had been additions! The main reptile expert had been dying for some "Ackies" aka Ridge-tailed Monitors for a long long time. Bev had never let him get his way... Until now. And they are absolutely gorgeous. They have a reputation for being a bit scatty and a bit of a pain to calm down. These are immense. They're so perfectly manned, really easy to handle, they sit nice and still, they don't wriggle. I may be in love with them... Also, one of the girls that goes there, Rebecca, brought along some of her collection of spiders and tarantula. She has a few really nice ones, but one in particular I am in love with and are determined to get. It's called a Green Bottle Blue. Imagine it: it has blue legs, a green body and an orangey-brown tail. IT'S AMAZING! <3 love love love.
I'm currently on our own stand: the Good News stand. There have been issues that have been getting me a little hot under the collar. The part I play is minor; we have craft for kids to come in and make. As a souveneir type thing they get a certificate. One part of it, my part, is their photo. If they want, they cane have their photo taken and printed out so that they can stick it on. But the printer is, I have decided, a diva. I have, in fact, nicknamed it madonna. When we get low on certificates I have to print more out and I queue up 10 at a time. However, the printer decides that it doesn't want to do this. It will print out one... maybe two if it's feeling gracious... and then promptly refuse to take any more card through. She throws a hissy fit. Does the printer version of throwing a vase of flowers at me. It's great. And it's so. slow. Like, slower than a dead person moves slow. THAT slow. I've got six kids stood round me waiting for their photos and it's printing, like, one row of 4 photos in half an hour.
Okay. That's a slight exaggeration. >_>
It's not too bad now. I think, now that we have people coming in, Madonna has her audience and is going to behave and perform. *fingers crossed touch wood*
As a side note, yes I am possting this FROM the Norfolk Show ground. I'm pretty amazed that i managed to find a reasonably good wireless connection. Still, it's a tad slow... But hey, it's like time travelling back to the days of dial up...
Or, maybe, no thanks. I'd rather not do that...
Anyway, I think I have kids to photograph.
Ciao