Changes

"Something has changed within me. Something is not the same."

Yesterday I discovered somthing that made me feel like I was back in the middle of my old Open Uni course. You know the one I slacked off a bit too much? The one I failed miserably? The one that caused me unutterable stress, to the point I wanted to try self-harming, just to see if it helped? Yeah, you know the one. Anyway, I discovered that I have an assignment due on the 1st of December and I was totally unprepared. For a moment I felt a knot rip into my stomach and doubt pile into my mind. "No... I don't want to feel like this again... But I'm so sure now that I'll fail..."
I spent 4 hours at work and all I could think of was how I had an assignment due soon and how I was totally unprepared. I could feel mild panic setting in. But then something snapped, but in a good way; I'm pretty sure I felt my brows knot. "I. Will. Not. Fail." I said firmly to myself. "I refuse to fail these courses."
And I believe it.
I believe in myself.
Something has changed, or more accurately, someone has changed me. I was always one for giving up, quitting as soon as something didn't come very easily to me. But I feel that part of me has gone; replaced by courage and self-belief and self confience. And it's all down to one, solitary person. You know who you are.
I will pass these courses. I will. I know I will.