And here it is again

Why? Why did you have to come down on me again? Stupid coursework.
I can't do it. It's not so much a case of I don't want to do it or I don't feel like doing it (both are very true). I just literally can't do it! No matter how I try, I still can't do it. Nothing goes in; I take notes, I read the material but nothing seems to go in... When it comes to assignments I have no clue what to answer. Nothing goes into my head and I can't stand it anymore.
The worst thing is, I know it now. Before I could happily (well... happily is a relative term in this scenario) plod along with my coursework and take in rubbish that bears no relevance to everything whilst the important stuff slips under the radar, hidden in amongst pointless superfluousnessand then when it came to the assignments I would freak out because I didn't know what I need to.
Now when I'm doing this coursework I'm totally aware that I have no idea what I'm reading, I have no idea of what I should be taking in and everything I am taking in is useless.
I am going to fail this course so badly and I really don't care. I want it to be over. I want it to be gone so I can go and have some fun and then sort out a blacksmithing apprenticeship. I just cannot take it any more, I can't bring myself to do anything. It just isn't working for me anymore. I want to do well, don't get me wrong. I don't like the idea of crashing and burning; in fact I hate it. I want to succeed, just not with this. I tried; I tried my absolute hardest, but it just didn't work. It's not that my hardest wasn't hard enough, I just think that it was in the wrong direction. Like... I don't know what I mean. My hardest was the wrong type for this.
I so want to be a blacksmith. I will be a blacksmith. I'm going to make it happen. I really really want it.

I can't take this any more. I really, really can't. I'm going to break soon, I know it. I can feel it. I'm going to go out and do something extraordinary. I don't care what anyone says, I wasn't made to live this boring, run-of-the-mill life forever. I need to do something.

And I've just polished off an entire bag of rasperry licorice... I iz a piggeh...