Thursday 28 April 2011

Shipping

As a result of becoming a member of tumblr I have become aware that there are some pretty hardcore fans out there... Far more so than I ever will be. But it's also made me aware of a strange, (from my point of view) fandom phenomena known as "fan-shipping" or simply "shipping".

In all honesty, I don't mind "shipping". The craze that seems to have gripped all girls that are involved in a fandom (regardless of what fandom that is) does bug me a little but, you know, horses for courses. If you enjoy taking to characters from a show/ fandom that are totally non-romantic; have no connection greater than acquaintance/ friend then fine. Go have fun. It's weird and a bit creepy to me, but you know, each to his own. I do find that the idea of shipping real life people as opposed to characters very weird, in fact. It's one thing to invent fictitious romace/ relationship situations for fictional characters, but doing the same for people that are, aside from their celebrity status, normal and real is something else.

But what I really hate is when people ship everyone with everyone else. To the people that do this, if a character is in a fandom then they can and WILL be shipped with another character, or maybe even every other character. It's too much, it takes it too far. It just doesn't need to be done, and it gets very old very quickly. Another issue I have is the way a lot of fangirls are make up a new ship and it's suddenly their "OTP"; their one true pairing. The hint there is in the name; ONE true pairing. The pairing you ship most. How can ever pairing you come up with be your one true pairing? It's really ridiculous.

Last annoyance, I promise. It relates to the shipping of irl people that I mentioned earlier. Now, this is nowhere more prominent than in the phenomena known as "belldom". This is the fictitious shipping of Matthew Bellamy and Dominic Howard from the band Muse, in case you don't know. When I first became aware of it it didn't really cross my mind with more than a casual, mental pfft. But now It really winds me up because it's so over the top and over done, aside from the bias I have against pairings of real life people. If you wanna write some random fanfics, that's fine. But I read one slash fiction once and it was honestly the most horrendously pornographic piece of scarring trash I've ever set eyes on. And it was apparently a milder fic.
Back to my main point; the thing that I really hate is when a picture of two real life people who are the subject of a popular emerges. In this picture the subjects are sitting reasonably close together, but there is still a reasonably large chunk of air between them. But the fangirls feast on this; the cry goes out "OMG, ~insert name of pairing~ IS REAL." No, it is not real. It will never be real. You are delusional.

I have no problem with people making up their own relationship scenarios within a fandom. I'm a fan of fanfic and if someone wants to write about the potential that a relationship between two un-paired characters then fine, go for it. I'd personally find it more enjoyable to write about and develop the characters and relationship of a pre-existing couple from my point of view. But I think that it can, and often is, taken way too far.

Till next I type, K.B.O.

Wednesday 27 April 2011

The Collector

I am a collector of things. For what I can remember, I always have been; whether it was Lego, dinosaurs or cars when I was a kid, or Star Wars stuff and stamps when I was a bit older. Yes, I admit it publicly on my blog; I was so nerdy at one point that I collected stamps and was, in fact, a member of the stamp club. I had loads of stamps and, at one point, I clearly remember lusting after a penny black. You know, those really old, really rare stamps that no one owns... yeah, I was like DO WANT. Fortunately I have managed to break from that low point in my career, but the collecting blood is still strong in my veins.
I collect a lot of different things, and for different reasons really. Tickets is the main thing. I have train tickets, cinema tickets, theatre tickets, even bus tickets... I'm not the sort that collects random ones I find; they're all mine, all ones I've got in my own travels. They all have a connection to the particular event concerned; London with Minna, Great Yarmouth with Gemma, Panto in Ipswich with Gemma, my numerous trips to the Seal and Bird rescue trust... Good memories that I really value and want to hold onto. There's other stuff I collect too... Like the Gundams, those are still a massive part of my collecting geekery. But, due to expensiveness, I can't collect them as much as I'd like. There's a pretty big list of ones I want but I doubt I'll get them any time soon. And of course there's the Star Wars mighty muggs... I have to include at least a little of my deep, inner geekiness.
When I think about it, the main thiing behind the things I collect is memories. Things that remind me of other things... Memories have become really important to me lately, mainly because I've started doing and experiencing things worth remembering. I know, it feels like it's a kind of late start to be doing that but, in all honesty, I spent a large portion of my life trying to forget so much that I forgot to remember... To do things worth remembering. And now I find myself so eager to remember that anything I can attach to a memory is incredibly valuable to me. Even random junk like a keyring, an underground map, a soft toy gecko; it's all valuable to me. I think memories to me are more important than they are to other people because I don't have many. The memories of my younger life are few, and the ones I do have aren't really worth remembering. I make as many as I can, connect them to something tangible and hold onto it.

Well... this took a rather odd tangent... K.B.O.

Sunday 24 April 2011

BAEDA and Doctor Who

First off, if anyone is reading this and hasn't seen the first episode of season six, then I suggest you leave this till later...

Well, it's obvious by now that BEDA has failed... I have not posted one blog entry every day of April so far and, in all honesty, I'm not bothered. The other day I read and entry by someone else whom is taking part in BEDA and she was talking about how it can be a hindrance to creativity and that it can just become "here's what I did today because I can't think of an interesting post to make." I kinda feel like that's the way my posts were going... Just random accounts of stuff I did during my day and that may be reasonable semi-interesting to read every now and then, but it's not something you want every day. I think if I was going to do BEDA again (maybe in August) I'd try and think of a theme for my posts... That's something I've noticed other bloggers doing; making up some thematic posts and posting those alongside their more normal posts. I like that idea and so that is what I may do in future. Anyway, I have decided that from now on I will be taking part in BAEDA; yes, that's Blog Almost Every Day in April/ August. If I have nothing worthwhile blogging about then there's not much point me splurging out some random dross about how I slept in late or about how much I love sleeping late or whatevs. So yeah, I can't guarantee that posts will be daily... But they'll be almost daily.

Anyway, on with the main bloggy body. Yesterday, Doctor Who season six, episode one entitled "The Impossible Astronaut" aired. It was quite the unusual episode for me because it jumped straight into the action and wasn't like "ohai, it's time to gently ease everything back into place." It threw everything and everyone at you and was like BOOOM, enjoy. It was a really hair-raising episode, having the Doctor die in the first episode... That was a crazy touch and totally blew all of everyone's theories out of the water. I was thinking back over all the past first episodes and it was by far the most action packed and the darkest too; series 1 was the shop dummies; series 2, the cat-sisters and that random virus infected people; series 3, the Judoon platoon upon the moon and the plasmavore; series 4, the adipose creatures; series 5, the Atraxi and prisoner zero... Then comes along series 6 with the Silence and the astronaut! For a very long time, the Weeping Angels were the creepiest monsters on Doctor Who (although the creepiness got knocked down a level after the Time of Angels/ Flesh and Stone) but they now pale into insignificance behind the creepiness of the Silence. When you turn away from them, you forget they exist... I think that they've really outdone themselves with this creature, I think they've really gone to town and it really shows.
But I do have a slight complaint about the episode. Now, I have nothing against the show becoming more sophisticated and a bit more ~adult~, that's the way TV shows progress and evolve into their next form. However, I felt that it made slightly too extreme a jump for my taste. I like that the show is getting a bit darker, but this felt as if it was at the level of a final episode for me and didn't feel too Doctor Who-ish. I've always felt like it's been a bit of a quirky, slightly klunky Sci-Fi show that was at it's heart a very British programme which was something I loved. But I feel like they're trying to make it more "sexy" and I hate it when people do that to shows because it's such an American thing. They try to make it all slick and smooth and suave, but that's never been Doctor Who... But I jump to conclusions. I've only seen the first episode and I don't know how the rest of the series will turn out. I just hope that the lines between Torchwood and Doctor Who don't become blurred.

I'm really looking forward to seeing how the series progresses because one thing I really like about Moffat's style is how strong the plot arcs are. The crack; major recurring theme through the whole of series five, and I think that the Silence are going to be the same. I like that; I like the way his writing is slimline and honed. There's no real flabby, extra characters to weigh everything down and that was one of the major flaws with the Davies' writing: there was Martha, Rose, Sarah-Jane, Jack, Jackie, Mickey, Pete... the list goes on and on. Okay, some of those characters are decent, fun to have around and pretty welcome whenever they pop up but you get what I mean. There's none of those dead-weight characters that keep popping up again... and again. But I really do hope that they don't try and force Doctor Who into becoming "sexy" because of the opening American Market... It just won't work, from what I can see.

And that's my lot on season six, episode one. Goodnight and until next time, K.B.O.

Friday 22 April 2011

TLC

I currently feel chilled and relaxed and fresh. It's a good end to my week off which I've really enjoyed and I'm even looking forward (kinda) to getting started again next week. I'm just hoping I haven't forgotten every word of Italian I've learned... But anyway, today is what this post is about; today and the epic force that is Gemma.
Today, as my last day off and last chance I'll get to see her for a while, I went up to Ipswich to see Gem. It started off well. I was aiming to get the 9 o'clock train; I woke up at 8:09. The bus didn't leave till 8:45. Needless to say I missed it and had to wait for the 10:00 train. C'est la vie, that's how life goes. Serves us right for stealing an extra hour in Yarmouth on Monday... But anyway, I got to Ipswich and we boogled (yes, that is a word now stop criticising me) off to her place with my bad of Star Wars DVDs in tow. It was our mission to watch all three of the original trilogy and that kinda happened, but I was a little distracted.
You see, Gemma is the master of relaxation therapy stuffs and today she, apparently, took great pleasure in making me extremely relaxed. I will be honest with you, it was the best thing anyone has ever done to or for me. She also plucked my eyebrows (yes, you read that right) which wasn't all that therapeutic but it was still nice. It was kinda funny actually, it stung more than I thought it would; I'm starting to get a new respect for that which the ladies in my life have to go through. I was making some kinda weird noises, from what I can remember and I assume Gem found them somewhat amusing, from the way she collapsed laughing. :P But it was good, I now have no mono-brow.
Then Gem administered some TLC which was absolutely amazing, I'm not going to lie. There was a bit of toner, bit of moisturiser and a bit of a face massage going on and it was so nice, you don't even know. It just chilled me out totally, like I haven't ever been chilled. Today was just generally a chilled out day and it was thanks to her. For the first time, I fell asleep on her and I don't generally do it. I'm usually the one that gets fallen asleep on which is the way I like it. But I was just so ~gone~ that I just snuggled up to her and dropped off, and it was kinda nice that I was relaxed enough to do it. And then to do it again... I will be honest, I am slightly embarrassed that I did drop off (I'm just glad I didn't dribble...) and that it happened twice, but it was nice waking up. Smelling her hair, cuddling up close. I liked it. All the while, Star Wars was playing and we managed to do all 3. Well... all 3, bar the last 20 or so minutes of Return of the Jedi. But nonetheless, a decent achievement I feel.

Today was a really lovely day and I really enjoyed it. I'm still totally chilled and calm and just... really really good inside. I take on work tomorrow *rolls eyes* and I don't really care. It gets me money, although not really a lot of it. But, c'est la vie: beggars can't be choosers. I am now going to go and watch some TobyGames on you tube whilst I eat Cream Eggs.

Goodnight and until next time, K.B.O.

Wednesday 20 April 2011

Throne Thoughts

Right now, I advise you that this is unlikely to be pleasant.

Now, we all have them. If anyone denies it then they're either vacuous and vapid or not entirely human... We've all had those times when we're sat on the loo, going through the processes that we go through and we begin to ponder the most random things. The weirdest and most awkward subject matter pops into our heads. This often happens to me and so I have decided to make this a semi-feature of my blog. It is likely to be slightly crude, most likely applicable to TMI Tuesday and as such I apologise for the content of this post and any future posts. So here you go; throne thoughts post number one.

Okay, so today I was sat on the toilet doing my civic duty when I suddenly had this thought; I wonder if anyone has been in the process of doing a dump and through this, ejaculated. Now, everyone knows that a good dump can be a pleasurable process, but I wonder if it's ever been so much so that a person has involuntarily jizzed. Is that even possible?
Yes, I know what you're thinking now; BEN! THAT IS DISGUSTING.
Well, now you know what to expect from these posts.

Anyway, that's all...

The School System

This post has been inspired by a rant on tumblr and so it may turn into a bit of a rant itself, however I am going to try and hone it into a reasonably coherent, sensible, rational post.

I am endlessly glad that I was home-schooled; it is, in my opinion, the better way to be taught. You're taught as an individual, you're allowed to develop your own personality and you are able to learn at more of a personal pace. You learn in a familiar place and you're not forced to press ahead to match the standard, neither are you held back on thing that you could skip through more rapidly. The learning experience is tailored to you and how you need it to work for you as an individual. On the aspects of the actual quality of education and learning, this benefits of home schooling over state schooling can be undisputed.
However, home schooling tends to be looked down on for pathetic reasons. For example, socialisation is the biggest argument that is used, in my opinion. "Oh, how are they going to socialise if they don't go to school? They'll end up being these recluses that will always need mummy." First, which is more important; a good educational base or magnificent social skills? I would rather my child had a well rounded, solid basic education and was somewhat more shy than a restricted and patchy base whilst being an outgoing people person whom is friends with everyone. I am a more naturally shy person and I would rather be the way I am than some overtly social beast that can talk to anyone and everyone.
The fact of the matter is, it's an invalid argument. Sure, there are children in home school situations that have socialisation issues, but had they been in school those issues would not have been negated. The effect of a school would have been to make them more aware of these socialisation issues by the way every other child would have picked on it. On the socialising aspect, school is not the apparent wondrous social base in which it is perfect to learn. It's a false reality; when else in anyone's life are you going to spend time with large groups of others that are the same age as you, or very near it. Socialisation is not improved by being thrown together with large numbers of others; in many ways, it can be a negative impact to social skills. I know an awful lot of people brought up in the state school system that are very judgemental. They take the clothes you wear, the music you listen to, the way you speak et etcetera and form an opinion of you, of who you are and of where you fit into an imaginary strata of life before they've even got to know the slightest thing about you. That, in my humble opinion, is an incredibly negative and narrow minded trait to have. However - without wishing to appear self-important - I judge no one on any of those things. What and who a person really is cannot be understood just by looking at them and learning some peripheral facts. You need to learn who they are. Granted, I do form opinions and judgements once I have got to know them, but at that point I have grounds to.

Now, don't get me wrong; I do not think that the school system is the work of the devil and stuff like that. My girlfriend is a Primary school teacher, for one thing. I don't think that school is necessarily a bad place to learn (although this is very true for some places). In an ideal world, I strongly believe that the home is the best place to learn. But I accept that we don't live in an ideal world and so it's often impossible. And I do recognise the important part school plays in the lives of some kids; often the only reliable and constant adult in their life is the teachers they come into contact with. I recognise that school is often an important and vital part of the life of a child. But that's almost inconsequential, in my opinion; state school is not the ideal place to grow and learn and I am yet to see any evidence that can make me think otherwise.

Goodnight all and until next time, K.B.O.

Tuesday 19 April 2011

Popcorn and the Emptiness

I'm big on the little things. Which is kind of a weird phrase to use, when you think about it... Kind of an oxymoronic phrase, the inclusion of which will make sense later on...

Anyway, today was a very good day. A very very good day indeed. It was so unbelievably good to get back with the centre and to see everyone and meet up with some new guys. I loved being able to get to grips with the animals after such a long time away too. There were some new arrivals and some older hands and it was just great to be able to get in amongst them again. I really miss working with the public, educating them about these animals that I love so much. I don't claim to be any kind of an expert at all, but you'd be surprised at how little people know! Someone pointed at a tiny Kestrel and declared to her daughter "LOOK DARLING, IT'S AN EAGLE." I've seen eagles. They look nothing like Kestrels. It's funny the amount of misinformation, mis-education and general idiocy there is surrounding the natural world; it never ceases to amaze me.
I was able to hop back and forth between the reptiles and the birds which was cool. It meant I got to handle the Ridge-Tailed Monitors a bit more than I did the last time I saw them. I will admit... I think I'm in love and I think I need one. They're gorgeous and placid and just so lovely. How can you not love a monitor lizard that is an easily handleable size?
One of the funniest things that always comes up is the inevitable disgusted remarks about the bird's dinner of choice: day old hatchery chicks. "Ewwww, that's disgusting! They're mean, how can they eat those little chicks!" That's when I get them to stop and think; "You eat chicken don't you? Well, this is no different. You just eat it cleaned and cooked." It's cool to see how many kids are like "you know what... that's actually a really good point. Okay then." The biggest child attractor, though, was Quito the eight foot long Boa Constrictor. Whenever she was out the kids came like flies. :P It was really fun to be like "look it's a huge scary snake" when she'd really never hurt anyone.

But the animals weren't the best part of today. Oh no, meeting up with everyone wasn't the best part of today. You see, at this show there has, in the past, been lunch provided for all the stall holders. Great, I though; That means I don't need to bring a lunch. I arrived at the show and lunch time came around and I saw hog roasts appearing and being handed round. I was watching the birds and so I waited until I could get one later, after people had finished. After a while I went on a nosy and asked if there was any for me. No, there wasn't. None. Not one. Not a crumb. And I had had no breakfast. This was the nightmare scenario; no food in me since the day before, no food that would be provided for me and no money on me so that I could go on the stalk for a chip van. I was going to struggle. And here comes the best part of my day.
Whilst we were packing up at about four, a bloke came wandering over with a big box. Inside said box were bags of free, fresh popcorn. Sweet, warm popcorn to the empty stomach of a big lad like me was absolutely amazing. And here's where that phrase comes in; I'm big on the little things. To everyone else, that was just a bag of popcorn. To me it was life saving, although perhaps not literally... It managed to stave of the hunger a little longer. And the popcorn was actually really, awesomely good; so much so that I had a second bag...

But after a while I began to feel my day without sustenance. My blood sugar dropped, I guess; I just crashed. I'm currently typing this post in a weird haze of sleepy awakeness that is neither here nor there. I guess I should sleep and I will do soon. I am going to have a lazy day tomorrow; I'm doing nothing but chilling, watching dvds, and generally being a master of dossery. I am looking forward to it greatly. And that is all for this post.

Goodnight and until next time, K.B.O.

Monday 18 April 2011

Adventuress

I FAILEEEED!! I AM AN AWFUL BLOGGER AND I FEEL LIKE A LOSER AND A SAD ACT. I AM ASHAMED.
Okay; now my little personal pity party is over I can get back to the serious business of the day and that is getting back into blogging for the rest of April starting today...

I've had such an epic day, you wouldn't believe it! I went on adventure to the far away land of Great Yarmouth! ...Okay, I know it's not that spectacular or glamorous but I had a really great day REGARDLESS of the fact that it was only a touristy seaside town. I had to be particularly quiet this morning due to my cousin sleeping in my room. I left to get the train at half seven this morning, which was a bit mental but it was worth it because it meant Gemma and I got an extra hour by the seaside. :P This was the first time Gem and I had been away somewhere. Usually she either comes to me or I go to her; but today we were both away from home. It felt so adventurous and rebellious to be spending a day away from everyone, but it's what this week is about for me; getting away and doing things that I don't normally get to do. And today, that is exactly what happened. We got to Yarmouth and went for a bit of a wander, looking in random shops that Gem loves and getting some little bits; I came back with a soapstone lizard. It's really rather cool. After a bit we headed down towards the seafront, got some hot doughnuts and ate them by the beach. The weather was epic today, although I couldn't see a thing, due to Sol's blinding rays bouncing off the sand. Gem was alright, she had some new aviators but me? Naah, nout.

One of the best moments about today was when we went down the beach to take pictures. It was so lovely just to be able to sit on the sand with the sun and just chill and chat. We lazed for a bit and then went for a walk up the beach; that was lovely, it felt so much more than just a walk. It felt really intimate. I loved it.
Now, when you are a child and you go to Yarmouth, you have to go to the Sea Life Centre. And so we did! I felt so much like a kid because I haven't been there for years and it's changed so much. I found myself pressing my nose up against the glass like a 7 year old, it was that nostalgic for me. The Sea Life Centre has always been an adventure place for me. We'd go up to Yarmouth for the day, just to go there. So having the chance to share it with Gem was immense. Not to mention the fact that they have Penguins and Crocodiles and Leafy Sea Dragons and all kinda of awesome stuff there now! I totally loved it.
After we'd finished in the SLC, we walked along the beach some more and came to this random set of posts that were probably from an old pier or something like that. But yeah, I decided to attempt to climb on them (and epically failed). But they led to some rather awesome photo ops, I'm not gonna lie (even if I did take some of them myself). Gem now has her own catalogue photo now and it's very "I'm a rockstar and I'm going to scrutinise something in the distance. It's a rather smexiful shot, I will be honest with you all, but then this is Gemma we're talking about so I should expect nothing less.
Then after a while it came time to go home which was the boring bit which we don't talk about, except a rare and rather nice thing came out of it, in that Gem had to change trains so we got to say goodbye on the platform for once. I don't know why I kinda liked that idea, but I did. There's something kinda... cinematic about it, I guess. It was cool.

And that was, essentially, my day; the first of a week of escape. Tomorrow is another, in which I will be getting up early to talk to random strangers about random animals. It should be AWESOME!! I can't wait.

Goodnight all and until next time, K.B.O.

Saturday 16 April 2011

Jam Packed

This coming week will be an absolute, nightmarish pile of doo doo. Hot steamy doo doo. Hot steamy doo doo with flies. I'm gonna be up against it with all the work I have planned. Seriously guys, you have no idea... Let me give you a quick run-down of my time table:













THAT'S FREAKING RIGHT! I have a week off and oh my days, do I need it. I'm really excited and looking forward to it because I am having an adventure! On Moday I'm planning on going to Yarmouth with Gemma which should be awesome. There has been talk of going to the Sea Life Centre because we are children and we like fish. And hopefully, providing the weather's nice, we'll get ice cream and go on the beach and it'll just be super fun times. Then I'm hoping to get back down to the Seal and Bird Rescue Trust for a few days this week. They're up this way doing a show and I'm hopefully going to show up and help out (I say show up like i'll just arrive out of the blue, I have been in contact about helping out this week.) Then, if I can, I'm hoping to spend a couple of other days down at the centre on the coast. I've really missed not being able to get up to spend time at the centre. I wonder how much it's changed there... I know they've got a wading pool now and they're in the middle of some renovations so who knows how different it could be. But it'll be so good to just see everyone there again, let alone the animals. I really miss it an awful lot; spending a little time there will be epic.

I'm so looking forward to this coming week, you have literally no idea. I need a week where I do no work, where I don't even think about any work of any sort. It's going to be so welcome. I totally can't wait.

Until next time, K.B.O

Friday 15 April 2011

Live and Learn

I fail.

And I don't mean that in the interwebs-speek definition of fail, i.e. to do something a bit silly. I mean to actually fail; to do the opposite of succeeding at something.

I feel that that's happened today. Several times actually. Uuugh, it's so frustrating and... You know, the only way I can put it is saddening. It disappoints me because I know that I have behaved in way which is not fitting for someone who openly claims to be a Christian, which I am. That is something I have absolutely zero doubts about. But I look back on this day and say "Today, 'the man' won..." That part of me which wants what I want and that wants to do what I want to do got away with it and it really disappoints me. It's no one's fault but my own and I know that I am the only one that can be held accountable for it.

Today's post comes to you from disappointment, guilt and regret land. I just feel like I've indulged in something that I shouldn't have, and now I look back at it and it was really good but unsatisfying. And now I just feel like it was something that I should have just avoided. Oh what I'd do for a TARDIS right now.

The thing I need to remember is this; I am human. I will fail and I will do things which end up being stupid ideas which seemed great at the time. But I still feel like I was foolish and impulsive. I am nowhere near perfect and I've never felt that fact more keenly than right now. I am so ultimately selfish that it makes me ashamed to show my face some days. What is in me that is of any worth? There's not a lot, and this isn't just me being self-deprecating old me. It's fact. There is nothing in me that can possibly make me worthy of the title "born-again Christian". There's just nothing there... Nothing of worth. That's a fact; there is nothing in me that is worthy of the blood of Christ and if anyone says that they are worthy, well, they've got another thing coming. But I just feel so acutely the fact that I am so so selfish and so full of myself. I hold so much back and hold onto so much that would make me better off if I just let go of it.
I'm imperfect. I accept this. I have no trouble accepting this because I see that fact exhibited in my life every single day. And I see God's ultimate perfection which I have access to. But I need to let go of me, and hold onto Him.

This is it. I am letting go of my failures. I regret, I feel conviction... and I have to move forward, holding fast to the Lord. As far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us. Psalm 103:12

I don't really know what I'm writing any more; I'm just going off on one of those "out-pourings". Just open up and let it out type things. You know what, no one needs to read this. It's kinda gone really inward, if that makes sense. Mirroring... Looking into and at myself. I'm sorry, this is a really kinda uninteresting post to anyone else and I know that most people reading this would a-roll the eyes and mutter something about "God-botherers".
But the truth is, I need this blog. I need to be able to "bleed" a little, as it were. I'm the sort of person that is always there for other people and is always willing to lend a listening ear, no matter when or where. But, as is the plight of most listeners, we have very few people to no one that is there to listen to us. And so we blog and we write and we tell everyone and no one.

I'll leave this now. I've spilled out enough random words that happened to form reasonably coherent sentences...
Goodnight.

Passionate

I am an extremely passionate person. I think that this is partly why I tend not to get involved in discussions too much. When I do, I fight my corner to the death even when I potentially don't need to.

Tonight was a case in point; I was chatting to mum about creation v evolution and I started to get really passionate and animated. Now, the thing is, mum is on my side; yet I still got quite worked up about it and THAT'S why I don't really tend to get involved in discussions. It's slightly embarrassing because I go into overdrive and get too... over the top on things.

I am a passionate nerd; there, I said it.


Okay, so o know this is late but I can't forget about BEDA! I will not fail! But I am currently in bed, half asleep and looking forward to seeing Gem tomorrow.


Anyway, goodnight world!


Wednesday 13 April 2011

Open Mouth, Insert Foot

Sometimes I hate the way my mind works. I guess it happens to all of us but it just feels like it happens to me more than most. My mind goes "OHAI BEN," and I'm like, "sup brain." And my brain's all like, "YOU AFIK YOU SHOULD SAY DIS," and I'm all "hmmm... Yeah, that sounds ok mind. I'll give it a go..." And then when I say it it is a classic case of foot in mouth syndrome.
But it's not just that; my head then tells me that wasn't really a well thought out thing to say so then gives me something to try and cover it up but because my brain is totally inept it just makes things worse and the hole I was digging which was supposed to be filled by the supplementary comment was made deeper and worse and I end up feeling like a prize prat.
Which is where I am currently. In that prize prat zone... after saying something to Gem which sounded fine in my head and wasn't even supposed to be a serious comment. But, as always, it bit me on the bum. I am avoiding her currently because I feel stupid. Yes Gem, I am avoiding you currently and I am sorry but I feel stupid...

That's all for now. I may add to this in a bit...

MG Shenlong Gundam EW


MG Shenlong Gundam EW, originally uploaded by vegeta8259.

Okay.
I have been waiting for this kit for so so long. I had the old high grade Shenlong a while back and that was... okay. I guess... I can't have a go at Ban Dai for it because it was still early days for Gunpla and for its time it was a good kit. But that was mainly because back then there was nothing to compare it to. But now we have this; The Master Grade Shenlong (ver. ka/ Endless Waltz version).
Okay. Basically, you have the mobile suits from Endless Waltz which are supposed to be the suits from the end of the Gundam Wing series. Except they look totally different. I heard somewhere that it's supposed to be some "alternate reality" or something like that. ANYWAY, Hajime Katoki sensei redesigned the original suits to look more like they were the predecessors of the Endless Waltz suits.
I've seen some reviews of this and I've seen a lot of photos and I can only say that I'm impressed. The quality of Gunpla these days is incredible and this is just another top notch release. Like I said, Shenlong is the one I've been waiting for for ages and now its out I will definitely have to make an effort to pick one up. I don't think it'll be my next pay day, but maybe the one after that.
You know what, I'm so excited about it and so eager to get it that I may even see if I can put in some overtime at work just so I can get it. Yes. I am being serious here.

Anyway, that's that and I need sleep. Cioa é buona notte.

Tuesday 12 April 2011

The Run Down

Today I had a very good day. After what seemed like a very long time (probably about a month and a bit...) I got to see my girlfriend! It was so good to see her again Errybody say it with me! N'awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
Silliness aside, I had a really great day with her. It started off with a race, grade royale; Gemma in her train vs me in my bus. It was a close run; both of our methods of transport left off at the same time but there was disturbances. Slight delay for Gemma, traffic hold up for me. But I managed to make it a whole ten minutes before Gemma. Success *fist pump*.
after meeting up and having a particularly large hug we went for a walk up to our spot by the river and chatted for a bit. Then we went up to the Castle Mall and had some pretzels for breakfast. Auntie Anne's vannilla sugar pretzels are the tastiest things in the history of everdom; FACT. So we dossed a bit, ate our pretzels, laughed at the fact that a motorbike place is called "Tinklers" and we discussed the ear-wormyness of radio adverts...
Then Gem gave me my 7 monthaversary present which was a kinda large one and super generous of her. She got me Doctor Who season 5 on DVD. It was really nice because All through the box she'd put postcards; postcards are our favourite method of communication when we're apart and she put 7 in (7 months, 7 cards; geddit!) and that was really lovely.
After that our plan was to high tail it to the cinema to see Tangled (which was brilliant); it was close and we made it in whilst the trailers were playing, but we made it. Mission accomplished, mister Bond.
For lunch we went to our usual eatery; Pizza Hut! Now, it's always a challenge whenever Gemma comes down to see if we have the stomach to manage the pizza and a dessert. We have never managed it... UNTIL TODAY! Due to our foresight in forgetting to have breakfast we had enough room for half a large pizza each and half a cookie dough! Now, if you haven't had a cookie dough you have not lived! It was potentially the most amazing dessert that has ever graced my palette. I am in love, I think...
One moment of extreme excitement occurred when Gem discovered that the bowling alley had a photo booth that did 2 strips of photos! The excitement was equatable to that of a small child at christmas finding that he has not only that deluxe bumblebee transformer he wanted, but also an Optimus Prime and a Megatron. But we got some silly, weird (and one kinda soppy) ones done. I have this feeling that it's going to become a regularity now.
Our afternoon then consisted of meeting up with her friend Jojo, drinking coffee whilst talking about Jo's reptile/ invert collection and taking photos of Gemma's teddies for a project that she's preparing for her class. The teddies were sightseeing. They went to see the Castle and they had dinner together and they saw the Forum and then they went to the cathedral. They had lots of fun.
Today was a lot of fun and I was pretty sad that it had to end and that Gemma had to go home. I miss her a lot when we're not together, even though we skype and call and write letters and stuff but I still miss being able to be there with her. But that's life I guess. I will be seeing her on Friday, Godwilling (as they say at Church and awful lot. :P) which will be pretty cool. We're just gping to crash at her place; apparently I have to watch Hallam Foe. I have no idea what to expect. It had Jamie Bell in it and he's good so that's a bonus, although if it's anything like Billy Elliot I will be booooooored! But anyway, I have rambled on far too long with this post and I will not leave you to your day.

Goodnight and thanks for all the biscotti.

Monday 11 April 2011

The Weed that Was

You started off like a speck. A seed that sat quiet, deep down in the dark where no one could see you, no one could hear you. I never told anyone that you were there, I didn't think it mattered really. You weren't something that I thought of, you weren't something that was in my mind. But you were in my heart for all this time. Each day went on and you didn't bother me; I almost forgot that you're there. You sat still, you sat quiet; out of sight out of mind, as the old saying goes. But like some silent, weird little puppy, you didn't stay that way for long. I watered you each day, poured out my hate on you. My anger and my pain; they all fell like like heavy, acid rain. But you sat there, peaceful and calm, and drank up ever drop. "No one else wants to see my pain, no one else wants to bear that rain," that was what I said whilst I thought of what once was. My night time thoughts and my night time fear brought to life all of what I once had and all of what I lost. The shadow that I once thought was a light fell long over me most nights. It taunted me, tore at me; threatened to make me itself. "I'll never be that way," I cried. "The shadow can't fall again. Not from me, no way." And so the rain came down again, but not on anyone outside. The weed; it drank it all inside. Stomach distends, swells with every drop; but still it thirsts. Insatiable, drinking at every opportunity and never ceasing to thirst. The weed grew. With each poisonous shower it grew another inch, it sent out another root. As time went on I remembered you, I thought of what you once had been. I saw that speck that I once had sown and saw the bloated mass of now. I felt that root that dug so deep; but the weird thing was, it was one I wanted to keep. You still sat silent, but hungrier now. Instead of even potentially considering others, you were the only recipient of the acid. I felt you holding on, for dear life one might think. You knew that this was no way to live, you knew that life could not exist in such decay. You woke me up, and you urged me on; the acid I stored and then venom within was all for one purpose, you knew. The shadow would one day fall again on my past and like some cancer of revenge you held on to that purpose. The weed had a point and the shadow was its foe. But the root that sank within my heart was not as deep as my mind was convinced. But the weed was comfortable sitting in there; he was comforting hiding away, holding my hate for the shadow.
But it couldn't go on, for the pain was too much. I wanted revenge as much as I wanted peace and quiet. The sting, the ache, the burn that I felt; was it worth the wait to eject the weed's load? It was getting too much, far too bloated and vain. It fancied itself as my all new, dead heart. It rotted and stank like no real heal heart should and drained my imagination, causing dreams and fantasies of the revenge I could one day have. But I could stand no more of this vile internal filth. The weed had to go, and it had to go now.
So I cried and I asked what the Gardener would do. What way could I loose myself of this vile and venomous root. And the answer he gave, and quick it came too. "A friend who takes a twig, or even simply a leaf, takes part of its hold and it's venom grows weak."
So I swallowed the gall that the weed sent to silence me, whispering, growling, "You know you need me you fool, you need me for revenge." But I didn't need it for revenge for one, simple reason. Revenge is not sweet. Revenge is not satisfying. Revenge is a bitter and harsh impalement that splinters both it's victim and the one that inflicts it. I did not need revenge. I did not want revenge... not any more. So I opened the pit and I plucked off a leaf, and a friend I loved dearly bore it away from me. And at that moment it shrunk; years of absorbing the acid rain I poured on it were slowly fading, slowly draining away and out of it's vile body. Another friend took from me a twig, another a shoot or a bud and slowly it shrank and it cried for it's loss. With each tiny part that I gave away to another willing, loving friend, the weeds power grew cooler until I saw it for what it was. Deep inside me, it was a weed. Simply and pitifully, a useless little weed. I needed it once, or at least I thought I did. But now all I needed was for it to be gone and away; no more roots, no more shoots, no more thorns and no more acid. With a final deep breath, I bared it all to one who had the strength and the love to bear the rest away. I took the weed and pulled out its roots, ignoring the pain and the loss that was only there to show that I was cleansed. I panted as the weed grew faint, it shrivelled and died in the hands of another. And my heart was free; it was clean once again. I had no wish for the shadow to feel my revenge. I saw the shadow once, you know. I saw it drift past and acknowledge me in my new strength. And it was in that one moment that I saw it for what it was; just a shadow. A shape that passed over the sun.

The weed that once was no longer is. The Gardener's wise words were those that I needed.

***

Okay, so if anyone reads this I feel sorry for you because it is revoltingly long and somewhat dark and most likely rather clunky. But I also thank you. Thank you for spending the time to look at something that to you may just be a weird, little story of a parasite and a host. But this is me, this is personal, this is a part of my past. So thank you, random reader person. I appreciate you taking the time out of your busy life to read this.

Goodnight.

Sunday 10 April 2011

You Asked For It...

When I asked my girlfriend for a top of bloggyness and she said, well... her. Which is a slightly egotistical answer but, what the heck, I'll go for it.

My girlfriend is Gemma and she's 23. You can't really tell though because, outside of the school room (as she is a teacher) she acts somewhat younger. Now, that's not really a nasty thing to say because she herself admitted that she has the mind of a child. Which is in no way an insult because it means we get on extremely well, fortunately. I've known her for a little over a year and in that time she's become pretty much the one person I trust most in my life. I've been with her for 7, almost 8 months. One of the best things about the relationship Gem and I share is how well we fit (which, I guess, anyone would say in a relationship. It's kinda the key thing really, now that I think about it...). The nerdiness and geekery over various things is extremely strong in both of us; it bounces off each other and is encouraged and amplified. Which is something I love - one thing I always thought I'd have to do when I got a girlfriend was minimise my geekery and hide it. I never have to with Gem. We've had some brilliant adventures so far; not least was the day we discovered the nerdiest shop in Norwich - Toyz and Gamez. It is a magnificent shop of geeky glory and I want to live there. The best part was that she was (almost) as excited as I was to find it.
I can honestly say that I've never been in love before now. Now I know that I am in love. Totally. I don't know what to say... This is stupid, I'm such a wordy bloke yet now I can't find words. My girlfriend is epic, regardless of how much she'd deny it. She's a great deal braver than she believes. She's so much stronger than she thinks she is. She's so kind, generous, caring, sweet, cute, lovely, funny, lovable, and beautiful. The majority of those things she'd say are lies.
I tell her that I don't care; it's what I see in her. It's what I know are parts of her. She's my beautiful girl of epicosity; and I love her lots and lots like Mighty Muggs and Autobots.
Yeah; I just said that.
Because I'm cool like that.



That's all folks.

Saturday 9 April 2011

All Filler, No Killer

I feel like this is cheater's cop out of a post but I'm really tired from work and my head won't think up anything good to post. I had a pretty busy day at work today, but then I usually do. But it was pretty good, although I think I may be coming down with man-flu. I dunno, it could just be the all dust from the warehouse/ clothes aggravating my allergies. But ho hum, this is uninteresting information...
I'm looking forward to next week; it's the Easter holidays which mean I get to spend some times with my girlfriend! That'll be awesome, I'm really looking forward to it. we're planning on going up to Yarmouth on Friday the 22nd and see a show at the Hippodrome which will be great; Gemma will be hyper. She always is when going to the circus.

But anyway, this post is decidedly mediocre. I should do something exceptional tomorrow... But until then, here; have a cool picture picture of a Gyarados.




Friday 8 April 2011

Spontaneity

Okay, bad news guys (why am I talking as if I have an audience? No one reads my blog lol as if anyone cares about my life pffft). Where was I... Oh yeah, bad news. Today, I got as much work done as I did yesterday, i.e. um... nothing. DUN DUN DUUUUUUN. YES, I know; it's terrible and I feel awful and I feel like a lazy muppet. Okay, I should have done at least some work today.
Good news is, I had a good reason for the majority of the slacking off I did today and shall now expound. (Also, for clarity's sake, I totally don't feel bad about getting no work done today which is probably a bad thing.)

Anyway, for those that don't know, I'm working towards a degree with the Open University. The main component I'm studying is Child Development but, just for my personal interest, I'm doing a beginner's Italian course and that's going okay. But the courses are what's called distance learning, i.e. you do it at home in your own space. The only problem with this is that it's easy to get the feeling that you're trapped. If you don't do anything to stop it, you can easily feel like you're stuck in your home with no escape. Which is totally not true; if anything you have a lot more freedom to just have a chilling day or something like that. But it's pretty easy to get into the cycle of study like mad, wear yourself down, panic that you're not getting enough done, work like mad, wear yourself down, panic that you're not getting enough done. Ad infinatum.
Which I think is what I've done lately. I've been getting so worked up about making sure I get enough work done to finish this course that I've forgotten the reason I started it and I've forgotten to live! I've forgotten to be me, to get out of this freakin' house every now and then. And so, today was a welcome relief. Mum had to go out to this big craft place in the sticks just outside of Norwich and I went along for the ride. I didn't really have any interest in the place but she said we'd go to the little café nearby and get something so I thought ah, what the heck; let's live dangerously here! I mean, I knew it was a deadly rebellious move to make but, you know, that's just the sort of person I am. The journey to said crafty place cause one of the many good things of today; my phone came along with me and along with my phone came Pokemon. Through an epic gaming session of Pokemon on the journey there (in which my Charmeleon evolved into Charizard!) the battery of my phone died. Sadly, I put my phone into my pocket to await the return home.
Mum's errands were run, coffee was drunk, scones were nommed and after a while the suggestion of a trip out to the coast for the afternoon was raised by mum. The question that hung in the air was whether or not I could affords the time out.
Live dangerously; that is my new motto. Off to the seaside town of Sheringham we went. I had no phone and no iPod; this was probably the only day I could say I was glad that I didn't have either.

Today was the best day I had for a while and it was blissfully simple. The journey there was as pleasant as the destination. We travelled through several little villages tucked out of the way of everyone with little terraced houses, classic thatched cottages, old farm houses and tumbledown barns. With perfect, blue sky overhead and the window wound down I relaxed and breathed. That something I've been forgetting to do; just breathing. Letting to world tell you that everything's OK and nothing's gonna happen. Then when we got to Sheringham it was Sun, scenery, a look at the sea, chips, orange juice, a new Doctor Who book and no technological interruptions. I know this is starting to sound like some new age, tree hugger type post, but looking back on it, it was like I'd rediscovered my senses. I felt the sun on my neck as I smelt that salt-and-vinegar tang from my chips and heard the crashing of the waves mixed with the odd call from one of the gulls drifting about. None of it spoiled by my attention grabbing phone or my concentration stealing iPod. There was one thing I missed and that was the connection with my girlfriend. That much is true. I missed the little texts sent to when she has a moment between lessons; to a guy who doesn't get to see his girlfriend very often, those little texts mean a lot. There were texts waiting for me which I had missed when, on arrival home, I plugged my phone in to charge, but for the sake of my sanity, I could let it off... Just this once.

As we were travelling through the country side, passing through loads of quaint little villages with lovely old houses and magnificent barns over fields with the empty blue skies over our heads I thought how glad I was that I'd decided to take this day out. I'm realising that, yes, I need to have a level of commitment and self-discipline with my courses, but equally I can't let them rule and ruin my life. What's the point of doing the courses if I don't live? If I spend all of my time indoors with my face in a book panicking that I haven't done enough to finish my latest assignment then I'll miss so much actual real life that's just drifting by outside my window.
Sometimes I think I just need to stop and smell the roses, proverbially speaking.

So long, sucka's.

Thursday 7 April 2011

These Are the Days...

UGH, man I hate days like these. You know what I mean? These kinda days suck major Pikachu.
Today was a day of initial optimism and commitment. I woke up with a sense of assurance that I was going to work solidly and work well today. I was going to get up at a decent time, I was going to start promptly, avoid too much distraction and get a good day's work knocked out.

But yeeeeeeeeah, it didn't turn out that way... That whole plan when out the window as soon as I remembered that I had an emulator Pokémon Fire Red on my phone. Not a good thing to remember, my friends! Couple of hours later and I was regretting it. Because it was getting on towards lunch time. And no work had been done. No. Work. At. All. Never a good place to be in.
"Never mind!" I told myself. "After lunch, it will be a different story; I can get on and get through a decent chunk of work. Yeah, that'll fine, right?"
WRONG!
I say down and opened my book, whipped out the old refill pad. I hit play on the old iPod, commencing a playlist of good, focussing soundtracks; there was some Inception, some Star Wars, some Lord of the Rings, and various other stuff. It was only then I discovered that I was in that particularly infuriating brand of mind-frame where by I cannot concentrate on anything remotely academic for anything longer than 30 seconds (and that's at best). I tried to do some work, but to no avail. "It's fine, I can deal with this," I told myself. A quick walk, breath of fresh air, a little bit of mental, visual and aural stimulation and I'd be fine.
Yeah, right.
I came home and the same scenario exacted itself upon me, to my extreme annoyance. By this time the afternoon was plodding on it's weary course and began to accept a dank fact that flopped about like a wet towel on a washing line: there was no way I was getting any work done today at all.

And so, with a sigh that echoed from the depth of my heart, I closed my course books and put them away. I dropped my head back with a groan of exasperation; this was not the day I had planned. With a shrug of resignation and a shake of my I picked up my phone, turned on my emulator and loaded Pokemon.

MAN, I hate days like these.

Wednesday 6 April 2011

Ambitions and my "Great Perhaps"

I've been thinking a lot about things to come. What they might be and whether they're anything like the things I hoped they would be. I know that there is an awful lot that I never thought I'd be doing/ taking part in/ aiming for that is now a part of my life that I take for granted. For example, the first career path I wanted to follow was the job title of "digger driver". Yes, there was a point in my young life where I was so infatuated with construction material that I wanted to dedicate my career to it. :P But, you know, people change... I changed. By my approximation, there's been 4 main career sweeps; 1. digger driver, 2. zoologist, 3. working with the environment in some capacity, 4. child development/ childcare. I would never have said that, by the time I was 21, I'd be aiming for a degree in child development. And yet there's still things I am unsure about. I'm not entirely decided about where I want to go after I gain my degree (even if I finish it; you never know, something better might come along).

It's something that has always struck me about the people my age that I watch on youtube and whose blogs I read; they have so much direction and drive and seem to be so able to achieve it. For example, Kayley Hyde a.k.a owlssayhoot. He passion is travelling and she is somehow able to fund this passion and is also able to fit it around courses and things like that. I could do neither, no matter how much I wish I could. There's no way I could fund travelling and there's no way I could be forward thinking enough to work course work around it.
This is something that I always have been and always will be jealous of; I struggle with direction. with knowing what the next move should be. Currently, I feel like I'm on my road and heading the way I should be heading. But I have this deep central feeling that I'll never be anything grand. I'll never do anything to change or shake the world and that's really sad. There's so many young people that I see moving towards being world shakers and world changers. People who are normal, eccentric, every day kind of girls and guys. But they all have one thing in common and that is a high aim and a drive to achieve it. I've always felt that I should aim high, that way when I fall short of my target it'll still be fairly high... And it just frustrates me because I see myself being oh so very mundane. Living my life out comfortably. Living on the edge of this vast "youtube culture" of epic, world rocking people whom I would dearly love to be one of. But I guess I never will. I don't have the vision. I don't have the ability to aim high enough because I am programmed with the mindset of failure. I am sure that anything I set out to do that is too ambitious will not succeed... And I hate it. I wish I could break this. But... it's a relic from my past; a scar, if you will. But that is in and of itself a blog post...

But at the end of the day, I need to stop focussing on how epic I think these people are. As great as Alex Day and Kristina Horner and Charlie McDonnell and Kayley Hyde are there's one big problem; they're not me. The only person I ever need to compare myself to is the person I was yesterday. It's easier said than done though. It's hard for me to set aside the achievements of others and to say to myself, "Good for them. Now I need to make my own achievements."
The only human worth measuring myself against is myself. But bearing that in mind is easier said than done.

It's kinda funny. I've felt like this for a while, and although I don't feel it as strongly as I did last summer, it's still there. I've never really had a way to express it up until now. It's funny how you read books and watch movies which lend you the words you need...

"I go to seek a great perhaps" - Looking for Alaska

Hutch: You've gotta find your Death Star.
Eric: Ok, I'll bite...
Hutch: The greatest deed Luke Skywalker ever did was take down the Death Star, right? As far as I'm concerned that's what everybody needs. You need that one, bad-ass thing that lets you live on forever, you know.
- Fanboys

I hope that one day I'll find my great perhaps... my Death Star.

Tuesday 5 April 2011

Doctor Who: Season 6

As is pretty obvious from this blog, I am a pretty big Doctor Who fan. One might say a Whovian, for that is what I am. The sixth season is imminent and there's a lot of theories and ideas floating around; a few teaser trailers have been seen about with some hints from the Moff as to what happens early on in season 6.
One of the biggest hints has been the revelation that one of the main team will die in the first episode of the season. When I first read this hint I started thinking over who it would be. There are a lot of people I know who would like to see it be River but, let's face it, it won't be her. There's too much mystery about her and besides, she dies in The Library. You have to bear in mind that, from our perspective, the events which we see her in are going backwards. If she died in this season we wouldn't have seen her later on.
It won't be the Doctor; that's just plain and simple, he won't be the one to die because he's the Doctor (and Matt Smith has signed up for season 7. Oops, spoilers.)
That leaves Amy and Rory. It could be either of them but there's just too much mystery that surrounds Amy and I just can't see the writers killing her out of the show in the first episode. There's too much future development in her character for the writers to go "bye bye!"
And so that leaves... Mr Pond. I don't want to admit it really but I think Rory is the one. I think he's the member that's going to be bumped off and I really don't want him to. However, we know what the Moff is like. I have this feeling that he's likely to include some plot arc in that Rory is some kind of space and time paradox: a recurring miracle, if you will. He was swallowed by the crack and reappeared as a Roman then was transformed back into a Human when the world was re-started. What if... what if he is an anomaly now. He ceased to exist and then existed again. It's Jack Harkness syndrome: once you're resurrected, you're always resurrected. Although it's a bit cheap re-using an arc from a previous season. But it could happen.

As for River Song... Don't get me started. There is a plethora of theories on the intertubes that try to explain her secret and I can hardly make head or tail of them. One thing that struck me was the Amy Pond - River Song theory. I don't know... It has potential in my opinion; they both have a lot of mystery about them. Why are they both so special... I dunno, it's a tenuous and potentially weak link... but it has potential. Also, there is the combination link of Rory's (potential) death and River killing "A very good man. Best man I've ever known."
Could the man whom River killed which put her into Stormcage be Rory?
I did for about ten seconds entertain the thought that River might be the Doctor's sister, but that theory was squashed by the clip of River kissing him in the trailer... Yeah, that one's out the window. It also throws out the idea of her being Jenny, the Doctor's Daughter (oh how much fun we've been having with that phrase lately). In all honesty, I don't have any theory that I'm holding onto. Although I really can't see her being the Doctor's wife. I just can't see it...

One thing that really bugs me and intrigues me is the proto-TARDIS from the lodger. Who made it and why did they make it? When the Doctor went into it, it said that the "correct pilot had been found" or words to that effect. I know that Omega is coming back in this season; I wonder if it's his TARDIS, or a copy of one that he tried to make. There's also that clip in the trailer of a raggedy, beardy old Doctor tied up. Maybe he was being held by the US military and they forced him to make them a TARDIS. It seems like a US secret police, CIA type thing to do. :P I don't know... But I'm sure we'll see proto again this season.

This is one of the things I love about this fandom; it's just so involving. I mean, I'm sitting here and my mind is buzzing about possibilities and ideas about season 6. I don't know what's going to happen, but I do know one thing. It's Doctor Who, and that means it's gonna be one hell of a ride.

Monday 4 April 2011

Rewatch

I promise that this won't become a regular occurrence... You see, the thing is, when you upload a post a day late you then get into the mindset of, "Ok, that's my post for the day done..." It's not until 12:30 ish till you realise that, oh wait... You need to do a blog post. By that time the laptop is off and you can't be bothered to boot up and so you do what I do. Like the old-skool kid I am, I hand wrote it. Yes, I am currently typing this up from a hand written, hard copy! Well... I will be when I actually start typing the post.

***

Well, moving forward as all great men do, the reason I missed out this post earlier was partly because I forgot about it... I mean, when you publish a blog post in the morning it's easy to forget that you actually typed it the day before, know what I mean? But that's not the only reason. I also got caught up in some Samurai Jack. Yes, I have recently downloaded seasons 1-4 of SJ and I am so excited to see the rest of it. I watched a large chunk of season 1 tonight and I had forgotten how good it was. One thing that you miss out on when you're watching random episodes on Toonami when you can at your Grandparent's house is how well the story progresses. It's something that would have been lost on me at the age I was when I first watched it. Okay, granted it's a kids TV show about a Samurai who is sent into the future by an evil demon. But, regardless of that, I really enjoy it and not just for the nostalgia factor. Putting aside that element (the one that makes me go "ooh, I am 14 again) I, against my better judgement perhaps, really enjoy Samurai Jack. I do. I can't help it; it's just... A good cartoon.

I don't want to risk sounding like and old fart but I am yet to see cartoons made to the standard that they were when I was watching them for the first time. I'm not going to fall into a rant about how cartoons these days aren't anything like as good as they were. That's not what this post is about... But watching a season back from beginning to end, you start to notice things. Character progression, plot arcs... I don't really know where I'm going with this...

I guess what I'm trying to say is this; just because something is a cartoon, doesn't mean it holds nothing for adults. A programme can be aimed primarily at children however but that doesn't mean it will hold nothing for adults. And that doesn't have to be jokes which are subtly risqué so adults will get a good chuckle and a quizzical look from their kids as they watch the cartoon with them. Some have complex sub plots, subtle character development points, detailed plot arcs and other, similar things. I've lately found this in a lot of the cartoons I used to watch as a kid. They appeal to me as an adult, beyond and above the simple nostalgia of watching a TV show I watched when I was a kid.

Sunday 3 April 2011

Belated Brothers

Okay, in some people's eyes this will make me fail BEDA in the eyes of some people but I do have an excuse. On Sunday I have no internet access, but I am writing this on Sunday. It won't be uploaded to blogspot until Monday, but nonetheless I am writing it now. Right now. Midday sunday. In my opinion, it counts! So nerrr. Anyway, I'm gonna change the date stamp on this post so it looks like I posted it yesterday. :P

Aaaaaanyway. Today has been a day for Band of Brothers and I seriously don't know how I'm only just getting round to seeing it. It's... there's not a word for it. I could say it's awesome, brilliant and great but it seems like too harsh a show to apply those adjectives to. It is an exceptionally good show, from a production, writing, content etc point of view. I have enjoyed what I've watched so far a great deal. But it's not easy to watch. It's not something you'd stick on to watch for the lulz. It's a hard show to watch. As I watched it I felt myself slipping partially into the emotion and the state of the situations Easy company were in. The fear, the terror even, the sense of being not just a group of soldiers, but a family of soldiers. There's such a feeling of unity that they had, it was amazing. the situations are obviously dire; there was an episode I watched yesterday in which Easy company were dug in in a woods and there was a German line across a clearing. It was winter, snowy and there was a load of fog; this meant that deliveries of ammunition, food and medical supplies were sparse. That together-ness was still there; it was always there.
It's also pretty graphic in its portrayal of the injuries they faced and bore and, personally, it's hard for me not to wince and turn away. But I feel like I should look out of, like, respect for the people who actually fought these battles. Seeing someone's neck opened and gushing from machine gun fire is tough to see. But you need to see it to believe it; to understand the feeling of knowing that you probably wouldn't make it home. It's something one of them says in an episode. There's one of the Airborn who is terrified. When he first landed in France he hid in a ditch and waited to be found. The officer talking to him said this; "We're all scared. You hid in that ditch because you think there's still hope. But Blithe, the only hope you have is to accept the fact that you're already dead. And the sooner you accept that, the sooner you'll be able to function as a soldier is supposed to function."
Accepting the fact that you're already dead; I can't imagine it. Knowing that you have a minority chance of going home. Knowing that there is a very high possibility that you could die any second. Knowing that you could die the moment you pop your head over the edge of cover. A well placed bullet and you're gone.
I can't imagine what that would do to you psychologically. But then... maybe it's the best mental state to be in in that situation. If you know that you're already dead then you fight with your life. You fight with every last breath you can let out.

I'm glad this show exists. It's tough, harsh, and thought provoking; but as someone who is living 4 generations after the Second World War, I need to know. I need to remember what was sacrificed. I know that the soldiers followed in Band of Brothers are Americans, but at times they fought alongside British soldiers. It needs to be remembered. If I forget that the reason I can sit here and type this in English instead of German then the sacrifices of so many men will have been for nothing. This sort of post you generally see surfacing around rememberance Sunday but this is in my mind now.

Never forget.

Saturday 2 April 2011

Obsessive Compulsions

I frequently feel that I suffer from a mild case of OCD. Now, I don't have the whole "Monk" style stuff: no aversion to handshakes, no fear of bacteria. That kinda thing. But I LOVE order; my order. Okay, I may not be the tidiest of people but I, nonetheless, HATE it when people touch and move my stuff. For example, I collect Gundam models and they are displayed on my shelf in various poses. I will occasionally change poses and I'm fine with messing about with them, trying different stances and that kind of thing. But if anyone else touches them, messes about with them or attempts to re-pose them better be prepared to lose their hand.
Often, my stuff will be in a mess. But the thing is, it's my mess. Things are in disarray and I know exactly where everything is. Please don't ruin my delicate state of chaos or else I will be forced to bury you under the mountain of clothing that is on the floor in front of my wardrobe. And it doesn't stop there; my cds and dvds? Alphabetised. Yep. I am that bad.

Order/ disorder; it isn't important which is present. It's the fact that I have control over what is mine. I can't stand it when I come home and find that Mum's been in my room, had a shifty and during said shifty she has relocated and "tidied" up my stuff. Don't do it. Just... don't.

It's more than your life's worth.
***
Okay. I had intended to write more in this post but 1) I have a headache and 2) I am rather sleepy so I will bid the world of bloggerland buona notte and I will see you tomorrow.

Friday 1 April 2011

B(log) E(very) D(ay) in A(pril)

So, I've decided to take a bit of a plunge and take part in my first nerdy, online community type thing event. I am (all being well) going to write a blog post every day in April, obviously starting tomorrow. However this is a simple post of babble. Well, I posted this after midnight so it's technically my first BEDA post but I'm gonna do another one later. :P
I like the idea of BEDA. It's a bit of a challenge for me what with my blogging being somewhat... inconsistent to say the least. However I have always felt like a bit of a side-liner when it came to the world of the intertubes. Reading blogs, watching vlogs and wishing I could be a part of that society but having no talent to exhibit, no ability to adequately express opinion and no real content to put in a vlog. But I feel like that's changing for some unexplainable reason. I still don't feel like I'm interesting enough/ nerdy enough to maintain a vlog but nonetheless, blogging is becoming easier. I think it's possibly down to my coursework. Writing essays and assignments has given me a bit of experience with writing in a more academic and potentially detailed fashion which, while not necessarily directly associable with blogging, may have helped. But anyway, communicating ideas and thoughts is becoming more natural. It's flowing a lot more freely.
I've also lately been feeling this weird desire to make a podcast and I don't really know why. I have found two new favourites lately; Nerd Hurdles and the Nerdist podcasts. Up until now, the podcasts I've listened to have been professional, clean-cut, recorded in a proper studio. Obviously something I would never be able to do, but now I've been listening to these podcasts recorded, edited and uploaded by nerds. Average Joes, I believe; certainly Nerd Hurdles is. But this whole new view of podcasts has given me this weird desire to start a podcast. Maybe a Doctor Who review type show... You never know, it might happen... but until then, hey, a guy can dream.

I feel that I am part of the internet society. There are times when I feel like I could be more involved, as I do with the Nerdfighter community. But I love being a part of this world of online interaction and connection. I'm very sure that I speak for many when I say that I feel more accepted and more comfortable interacting with others online then I do with many people IRL.